If you read my blog regularly you'll know about my ups & downs (well mostly downs) with Sofie and how I am constantly asking questions & looking for answers about why she cries every day, all day. So... my latest theory is that I have a foremilk/hind milk imbalance... which is what I always though my problem was with Sam & Juliet, but never knew what to call it. Foremilk quenches thirst, is low in fat & high in lactose & carbs. Hind milk is high in fat and is what makes them feel full. Too much foremilk causes gassines, fussiness, explosive poo, irregular sleeping patterns.... basically everything Sofie does. Both Sam & Juliet drank formula in addition to breastfeeding so my low fat milk wasn't an issue. Sofie often refuses to drink a bottle... so she is getting far less formula. Basically nothing. Soooooooo.... for the past few days I've been treating myself for this imbalance by block feeding. What is block feeding you ask? I feed Sofie from one boob for 6-12 hours and then switch. This way, the boob I'm not feeding from gets engorged and stops producing milk. Eventually the idea is that my boobs will get the message to not produce so much milk, and the less milk in your boobs the higher the fat content. To deal with the engorgement I pump just a little bit so that I am comfortable, which is not enough to signal my boob to produce more milk. So 2 things.... Today was Sofie's BEST day ever, so it just may be working... AND... from the pumping it's obvious that my milk is like water!!! I showed it to my girlfriend today and she was like whoa... your milk is watery dude. Her's doesn't look like that at all she said... her's looks like whole milk. Here's a pic of my skim....

This is just under 4oz. If you look closely you can see that at the very top there is a thin layer, which took hours to separate, that looks like whole milk. So there is VERY little fat... which is what Sofie needs to feel full.  LET'S HOPE THIS BLOCK FEEDING WORKS!!!! Today was great. Papa went golfing & Sofie & I were home alone. I was scared, I admit. I have a hard time dealing with Sofie's fussing all alone. It's something you REALLY need a break from after a while. So I thought it would be a great day for my girlfriend to come over with her kiddies to help keep us distracted. SUCCESS!  Sofie barely cried all day!! We went to the mall & hung out! It was so..... NORMAL!! We had a great day!!!

Later on, we even went to the park & climbed trees!

And did some sliding..

And some swinging!!

It was nice to feel a bit normal. I hope it lasts.

AND.... if you look REALLY closely at that last picture, you can see what else we did today!!! Yay us!!

the BIG five!

So Juliet turned 5 on Monday. Can you believe it? FIVE! We celebrated with her friends on Saturday. The "pretend" birthday with her friends. Her "real" birthday is with her family. So... "if I'm going to be 5 on my birthday with my friends am I going to be six on my real birthday?" I had to explain that you can't just have a party on the actual day of your birthday if it isn't on the weekend and you have school. So now both my kids expect 2 birthdays... the pretend one & the real one. Awesome.

I tossed the idea of having a party for Juliet that involved the LEAST amount of responsibility on my part because I assumed I'd be majorly preoccupied with Lungs McGee... and I was. BUT... in the end we just had the party at home and winged it with the help of a couple of good friends. "It's mostly girls" I said... "girls aren't as crazy as boys". But they are a heck of a lot LOUDER!!! Geez. At one point I could have sworn I was at a rock concert. And the neighbours across the street were sure we had Disney Land in the back yard.  Overall I'd say we were successful. I was prepared.

The night before Juliet & I made the cupcakes. I experimented with the idea of rainbows...

Not as successful as I had hoped... but cool nonetheless.

SUMMER IS SERVED

It's 11:20pm. Why am I awake? Because I like to torture myself. That and the fact that I haven't posted in AGES and my mom is getting a little fed up. Oh and tomorrow is Juliet's birthday party so I will have a whole new slew of pictures to let sit on my computer, unedited... waiting for the next night I decide to finally stay up & get on with it instead of sleeping before Sofie wakes up for the 4th... & 5th, & 6th & 7th & 8th times tonight. Phew.

I'm happy to say, that summer finally arrived last weekend. And what better way to celebrate then with a little slip n' sliding. After all... the kids have been asking for it since temperatures hit above freezing.

That's all for now. If I want any hope of even trying to make it to 9am soccer tomorrow I should really TRY and get some rest. Although it's so way past my bedtime now that I may not even sleep at all.

Mother's Day

I keep trying to find a reason for why Sofie screams so much. Keep looking for answers. I don't want to believe that this is just her personality. It can't be. Who wants to be THAT miserable, all the time? Who NEVER wants to sleep? Wakes up every TWO HOURS!!? Today she had an absolute meltdown in the car. You would think she'd been left somewhere to suffer & die. I find myself wondering if it has anything to do with the trauma of her birth. Does she get overwhelming feelings of abandonment when she can't see me because they took her away from me so fast & for so long? My mother saw an osteopath who said that when our bodies experience a trauma they have to "finish" that experience... and that perhaps Sofie is still suffering. I'd been thinking of taking her to see an osteo so I brought her to her first appointment last week and we're going again this week. She definitely has tension in her stomach & intestines. Geez the sounds her stomach makes & air that comes out her behind is sign enough of that. I hope it helps. I'm so tired of the crying. It's so draining. I've also eliminated dairy, soy & wheat from my diet to see if that helps. So far no good. We'll be seeing an allergist too. I'm determined to find a reason.... but doubtful that I will.

So happy mother's day to my mother readers. Hope you all had a wonderful day. Sam bought me a grape tree/vine. He was so excited. I think he just wants to see something grow. A few weeks ago he planted a cantaloup seed in the back yard... watered it a gazillion times & checked it several times a day to see if it was growing. Yesterday it was an apple seed. No such luck. So we'll plant the grape vine & watch it grow. That is if I don't kill it...

Juliet got me giant lavender incense sticks for outside & beautiful flowers...

But the best part....

I was laughing so hard. Best. Card. Ever. Hands down.