The 'Bad Guy' in Brockville...

Juliet came home today with a drawing she did...

This is the bad guy in Brockville. He has long hair, a yellow moustache and a dress. Slap a swastika on his forehead and you'd swear it's Charles Manson. In pink is Juliet & me. The bad guy is trying to get into our house but he can't because it is locked. Thank god! Why, I ask, is my almost 5 yr old daughter drawing these pictures?? Should I be concerned? She is not concerned when she is telling me about it. In fact, she seems to think it is funny. I'm not sure if this is the same bad guy who lives in a brown house near the tree with the shade, who has a trap to catch little kids. Not big kids... little ones. What is that? !! Do your kids talk about bad guys? Because it's every other topic or subject of play with Juliet. What happened to ponies & princesses??

Baby's Day Out

Today we went to visit our friends Jenne & Benn & Oliver. It was nice to get out of the house even though I had to stop, drop & breast feed numerous times around town to stop Sofie's incessant crying.... all while baby Benn slept peacefully. However, there were a few peaceful, priceless moments...

look at that hair!!

bath time

Can someone please tell me why, if poo comes out the back, it finds it's way to the front of the diaper all the way up to & inside the belly button?? Now I can understand if there was poo in the back of the diaper too... but this was STRICTLY in the front with no traces in the rear end of the diaper. Anyone?

Bath time.

third time is not a charm...

It's been a rough couple of days. It's actually been a rough 7 weeks but who's counting? Difficult babies are difficult! Geez. Hours and hours of breastfeeding daily takes it's toll. As much as I love the closeness & holding her it's a difficult pill to swallow being completely tied down to your baby... and your couch. Sofie will feed & then sooth literally for hours in a row. I just keep switching back & forth between boobs. It's crazy! Most of her awake time is spent nursing and if we stop she will cry 97% of the time. If I am lucky she will nap for an hour straight (or more if I am REALLY lucky) once a day. Today was NOT one of those days. She did, however, spend some quiet (and by that I mean not crying) awake time with Papa...

That was nice, for both of us. Even getting a break for 5 minutes is enough to refresh the levels of stress & patience. And when she smiles & coos that adds even more stamina to the next stretch of nursing & crying.
I'm really looking forward to more & more happy awake time. The night waking isn't even the issue anymore... it's the daytime crying. I can live with the waking every 1.5-3 hours. I just wish she would be happy when she's clean, fed & awake. Is that so much to ask? Apparently.

Two days ago I was home alone with the 3 kids and felt REALLY inadequate as a mom. It was supper time and I needed to feed Sam & Juliet. Sofie SCREAMED the whole time I cooked supper. Sam & Juliet tried to calm her down... but neither of them have boobs so that didn't work. It's very stressful to listen to your baby scream, especially when you are trying to take care of your other children. It made me feel horrible. If I responded to Sofie's screams then Sam & Juliet's needs would be put second. That makes it sound drastic but essentially that's what it was. It may not have been a huge big deal, and I just let Sofie cry, but the idea of it all made me sad. Now normally my husband is home to focus on the older 2 because he has 8 months of parental leave from work, but he was out. It made me think... what the heck would I do if we didn't have that privilege? If it was always just me? So I felt even more crappy because that was like saying I can't even take care of my 3 kids on my own. What do families/mom's do who are in that situation? With a newborn at home & other kids to attend to? How do they do it? Am I crazy to struggle? Should it be easier?

Is it just me or is the reality of caring for a newborn largely UNDER exaggerated? Sure it's a wonderful time... but it's way more of a difficult time. Am I crazy or does life seem to come to a screeching halt? Even if you don't want it to? The difficulty & needs of my new baby don't give me much more opportunity than to sit & nurse & sleep when I can. I cannot attempt or desire to accomplish anything other than caring for her if I want to get through the day with some level of sanity. Wanting to clean the house or rake the yard is far out of the question, because as soon as I want to accomplish something Sofie is crying &/or won't nap. If I don't accept that, my levels of stress are through the roof. I have to tell myself it's okay for me to accomplish nothing. Even though it makes me feel useless. I shouldn't say that because I am caring for a new born child... which is the very opposite of useless. But letting go of everything else is another challenge of newborn parenting I struggle with.

xo... a tired mom.

I would LOVE to hear about your difficult baby stories. Or about how you nursed for hours & hours on end. It's nice to know you're not alone. I decided to write a bit about this in the event that someone who is having a rough time might read it & feel better about themselves. I know that I would feel better knowing that other parents are going through or went through similar experiences. I can't even remember if I felt all of this with my first two. Was it as hard? Yes. It was different. I didn't have 2 older kids to care for. Was it easier to do nothing? I don't remember. I was a few years younger. Am I too old for this now? I couldn't be. I'm only 32. Who knows. Being a parent is very hard... even when it's your third time.

TEA!!!

We recently ordered some tea from "The Republic of Tea" and it arrived in the mail a few days ago. I stumbled upon this website because they have a special line of red roiboos teas and I was looking for a specific tea that I heard helps insomniacs sleep. My husband is an insomniac. Given that I am a HUGE tea lover I happily browsed their LARGE selection of tea and picked out a few treasures of my own. DELISH. I ordered a taster tin of jasmine pearls and I can assure you I will soon be ordering a pound of it. Jasmine pearls never disappoint. I was really excited about the lychee blossom flowering tea but was disappointed in it's flowering. It tastes a lot like a lychee which is great but I love the look of flowering teas and this one isn't all that great. It looks way nicer in the tin. As for my husbands sleep tea... so far so good. I thought about giving it to Sofie to help calm her & maybe she would sleep a little better but there are some serious herbs in it like valerian root & passionflower so instead I will drink it myself and give her the diluted version in my breast milk. I'm drinking my first mug right now. I've been giving her chamomile tea every night and she still doesn't seem to like it. She's definitely drinking some because her poo smells very sweet but it's barely half an ounce. The other night during tea time she did this...

The nerve!

My Baby $#*! On My Manicure

Babies are crazy. Please... tell my people always say "enjoy them at this age"? Um... no! How 'bout i'll enjoy her when she stops the excessive crying and sleeps more than 2 hours in a row. I'll enjoy her when she can sit for longer than 10 minutes without crying. Don't get me wrong... LOVE her to death & cutest thing ever... but enjoyable? Not so much. Stressful? Bingo!

So I decided I would take a photo of my clock every time I got in & out of bed to illustrate my typical night time routine. Goes a little something like this...

She falls asleep at the boob... I put her down in her swing to sleep.

She cries. Up I get. Boob.

Back asleep... back in her swing.

Crying. Boob.

Asleep.

Awake. Boob.

Asleep.

 Crying again... up for a feed. A nice 3 hour stretch.

 Asleep after feeding... back in her swing.

Waaaaaaaaaaaa... Boob.

Back asleep... but not for long. She was up again at 7.






It's typical... but it's tough. And I think it would be easier if she was happier during the day, but there's a lot of crying there too.

On another note, the official arrival of spring has brought with it temperatures in the high twenties! Yay. It also brought mosquitoes. Boo! We've been spending our days doing yard clean-up & lounging on the back deck. Our back deck, which is new this year... KICKS ASS. We are LOVING it. I was hoping that the beautiful weather & time outside would make Sofie happier... not so much. But at least the rest of us are. Today I went for some me time & got a manicure & pedicure. Mmmmm clean feet. Sofie shat all over my manicure. Awesome. Bring her up to change a poopy diaper and just when I get her all cleaned up she unloads all over my nicely manicured hand. And while cleaning that up she pukes all over herself. So I clean that & she shits some more. When I'm sure she's done pooing I put on a diaper & clean clothes. And then she pukes all over her clean clothes. Seriously? Oh... and her poo smells like chamomile tea. Sweet.

Poor Sam...

It's roll up the rim time at Tim's and this year Sam is very interested in winning something. It's not often that your 6 yr old encourages you to buy coffee. Yesterday he was looking at the cup and telling us everything we could win... camping stuff, a camera, a 3D TV, money... & toilets. We laughed so hard I had to take a picture to see if you could figure it out. Lol.

Later on in the evening he was sitting on the couch singing...

"Santa break your tights c'mon"

"Sam" I say... It's "Celebrate good times c'mon".

"Oh" he says. Poor child.

Tea for Two

I'm determined to get the little one to sleep longer than 2 hours at night. It's ridiculous. Actually... it's not even the waking that's hard on me it's getting her back to sleep after. It shouldn't take 2 hours!! So, as I sat breast feeding her to sleep the other night I had an epiphany. What if I put a couple of drops of lavender essential oil in her crib... maybe she'd sleep better. So I did. Then I went even further... what if I gave her some chamomile tea before bed?! I immediately Googled it and lo & behold... TONS of moms soothe their babies with chamomile tea because it's safe, caffeine free, soothing & good for colic & gas. So... now before bed Sofie & I sit in her bedroom with the light's dim & have tea!!

I warm up about an ounce of pretty diluted tea (1 tea bag per 16 oz) but she doesn't like it very much so she's not drinking nearly that... a few sips from her bottle. But I figure if I keep offering it to her in a positive environment she will grow to like it... and maybe it will help her sleep! Yay!

un-motivated.

Sorry I haven't been blogging... I try to use the moments that Sofie isn't on my boob to sleep. It's been a rough month. A lot more crying and a lot less sleeping coming out of the new babe. I'm beginning to think that the idea of a "good baby" is a myth. Not that babies are bad... but the whole eat & sleep thing is highly exaggerated. It's more like eat & sleep but only if there is a boob in my mouth. And if there isn't then sleep for a few minutes before waking up & crying because my boob is gone. Throw a little painful gas & explosive poo into the mix and you've got it about right. Oh yes and lets not forget the hysterical crying for reasons that will be forever unknown to any parent. Third time around and it's not any easier. It's a good thing she's cute...